Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Chances are that you, like myself, walk out the door each morning with little white earbuds buzzing in your head. Without realizing it, the artist you have selected to color your audio backdrop (Fiona, U2, Skid Row, Claude Debussy, Pearl Jam, Led Zeppelin, Henry Manicini, etc) has already changed the bounce in your step (slower, faster, longer, shorter, with hesitation, with fervor). Music has the ability to trigger a powerful, self-expressive mechanism that is frequently used by most of us on a daily basis. But, how often do we set time aside to cultivate our relationship with the music that we employ?

Music, for me, is a complex and evolving relationship that steers me ever closer to the core of this crazy life experience. Personally, I enjoy music that helps me achieve honest perspectives of the bigger picture. Discovery and understanding, whether it is overt (Bad Religion, Atmosphere, U2) or subtle (Andrew Bird, Norah J., Brian Vander Ark), intertwined within the fabric of beauty can instantly slingshot me to unparalleled heights of joy and exhilaration.

This brings me to The Smashing Pumpkins' 1995 release entitled Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. I can vividly remember the day that I walked into Hastings and bought this album on it's day of release over 13 years ago. That night, I went home a better person. This album has so many memories embedded into the fabric of it’s creation: traveling across Florida (1979), my first song in my first car (Tonight, Tonight), orchestra state competition in Bozeman (Zero), my ex-girlfriend’s dead cat (Galapagos), Leah (Farewell and Goodnight), countless nights of pondering the bigger picture when I didn’t even know what the bigger picture even was (Porcelina), jamming out with Josh (Jellybelly), jammin’ out by myself (Ode to No One), Autumn of 2002, Spokane WA (Thirty-Three), shootin’ hoops in my drive-way trying to figure out highschool (Thru the Eyes of Ruby), moving to Fremont (By Starlight), learning to love italian sodas at The Wallstreet Café (Stumbleine), and on and on and on….



“Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight”



“Tomorrow’s just an excuse away”

This collection of songs allows me to seamlessly stair into the eyes of my past. Each melody owns a feeling that was discovered through events of foregone days that together, are a crude painting of my personal history. In taking a recent trip through the portal, I have once again realized that I am a very lucky individual. My life has been extraordinary, blessed and cursed, but always gifted with wonderful people. Since the very beginning, I have been well cared for and I am grateful to have a musical refuge where I can let my secret thoughts come alive without a care in the whole world…

"...goodnight, always, to all that's pure that's in your heart."